Have you ever just sat and suddenly felt so alone? With 6.7 billion people in the world, I wonder how it's possible that I can even feel so alone sometimes. It seems almost taboo to talk about how lonely a person can be, maybe because it comes off as seeming to be weak? It makes me feel rather stupid if I ever told someone, that there are times I feel so alone. I mean, why force someone to listen to you whine and moan right? But is it really that wrong to admit how lonely life can be at times? That there are times it's almost a cold..take a deep breath but somehow you still can't catch your breath kind of feeling?
I have friends and a wonderful family. But randomly I'll catch myself just sitting, leaning back and realizing how alone I can feel. There's almost this void that even family itself has a hard time filling. Is it selfish to be feeling like this? Do I have any right to feel this kind of loneliness when I'm so blessed with such a wonderful family and such good friends?
I wonder if anyone else gets that kind of feeling. It's like you're doing everyday things, but then you catch your mind wandering. You get almost this deep deep knot in your stomach. You feel smothered by the air. Only to realize you've been holding your breath this entire time. It's like a coldness that creeps up on you. I always catch myself staring at the floor whenever this happens. My mind starts to wander..and I think. " Wow.. I don't really even have a word to comprehend how I feel.." It's almost like the realization of your loneliness because there's not really anyone there to bring you out of that realization. I think that's when loneliness dissipates when there is someone there to bring you out of that daze. My loneliness I feel isn't in the fact that I'm all alone. I'm surrounded by wonderful people. But there isn't really a person or persons that I can say.. " Sometimes.. I have no words. " Because I can't describe this feeling. but maybe that person is still able to understand and able to give me a word to describe how I feel because of their understanding. That kind of feeling must be amazing.
I would love to give someone that kind of feeling one day. The kind of feeling that when they're at a loss of word. I'll still be able to understand.
Disclaimer//: I am not a lonely lost little girl. Or well I don't think I am. I am blessed with such a loving family and great friends. But I think being human, loneliness at times is mandatory. I don't ever really hear or read about people talking about these more unhappy topics. I figured I might as well. If it's how we feel, it's how we feel. We shouldn't be ashamed or feel like saying that we're lonely or unhappy is a bad thing. After all being human is such amazing thing, to be able feel the things we're capable of feeling; whether it's bad or good makes life so beautiful. :]
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