Exactly the words going to my god forsaken brain as I hold my endless conversations with people I have no intention of keeping borderline touch touch skin skin with. Not that touch touch skin skin, more along of that hug hug, pat pat " Wow. Hey how's it going " kind of touch touch skin skin. Because it's not realistic.
I'm begging for reality bended in my fantasy. It's just so difficult to be genuine; and I say this for everyone not just myself. I would love the idea of simply telling someone. " I genuinely care. " But suddenly I catch myself in this awkward stance between. " What?.. (Embed awkward stare and crooked smile ) Thanks. I really appreciate that ( Embed more awkward stare and most likely the whole anyways..sentence starter. ) I find it difficult for anyone to be genuine to me let alone me being genuine to them.
Things like writing letters or sending flowers don't seem to have any meaning to anyone anymore. Holding hands and kissing foreheads are only for those of ample time. Phone conversations about things besides work, school, and how you are doing don't exist anymore. The idea of me calling a guy simply because hearing his voice brings a smile to my face would probably scare him more than make him giddy with the idea that he could make butterflies in my stomach. We speak but words aren't being spoken. It feels like there's so much turmoil because screaming to deaf ears leaves only words on the floor not words left in your heart. Don't misunderstand me there are still so many reasons left in this world that makes it so wonderful. But to sit and think, look over to my left and say to myself about the stranger next to me. " I wonder, do you feel just as mute as me? Are you just as soft spoken about this harsh word world as I see it? Are you suffocating just as much as I am not because there's no one to listen because I'm sure there are, but what if we're to scared because reality made it cooler to fake happiness then to show the world how sad you are? That sure maybe someone might listen, but why take that risk? " How does such obscurity exist?
I'm a smart girl, but this just confuses me. Is it really just that difficult to have a genuine conversation anymore. Perhaps, my idea of genuine conversation is beyond what other people consider what a genuine conversation is. Time gap? I'm 22, what time gap? It's like the difference between knowing and understanding. I'm aware but I don't understand.
On a side note. I got the watch, now I'm giddy to see it in the mail. I enjoy the sense of humor in it as well as the urgency of taking risks because life is so short. Normally people would say the whole take a risk and jump. but I find that the true big risk is having the courage to catch someone. So jump, and I promise I'll catch you.
http://www.watchismo.com/mr-jones-the-accurate--black.aspx
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